HO, HO, NO : Let’s Talk Holiday Stress

The holidays are here, and for many that means long to-do lists, endless obligations, and mounting exhaustion. A season meant for joy can often leave us stressed and overcommitted. If this feels familiar to you, here’s something to consider: feeling overwhelmed is a clue, not a flaw.

Overwhelm is your body and mind’s way of saying, “This isn’t working.” Simply because stress is common during the holidays doesn’t mean it’s healthy, or the only way to be. If you’ve been saying yes to things out of guilt, keeping traditions alive for others, or feeling resentful about everything on your plate, it’s time to take a deep breath.

This holiday season acts like a stress test. Think of it like a bridge, we all have a capacity for carrying weight, but when that load becomes too heavy, cracks begin to show. Some of us are the “bridge” holding everything together and taking on the emotional labor of making the season magical while neglecting their own well-being. By mid-December, the cracks appear: exhaustion, irritability, poor sleep, and resentment.

Feeling like it may be time to stop glorifying or normalizing exhaustion? Let’s explore how to move from overwhelmed to aligned so you can end the year feeling calm.

 

Why Overwhelm Is a Clue, Not a Flaw

Overwhelm doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means things are out of balance. When the things you commit to feel energizing, you’re in the right space. But when you’re saying yes to things you secretly dread or pushing yourself past your limits because you think you “should”, it takes a toll.

This misalignment shows up as stress and even guilt when you consider saying no. Grab a pen and paper and make a list:

 

• • What am I doing that doesn’t feel right/good/fun?

• • What am I avoiding that I know I need? (Space, quiet, time, silence, peace, play?)

• • Who am I trying to please, and at what cost?

 

Practical Steps to Regain Balance

We often assume our actions are vital, but the moment one person speaks up and sets a new boundary or priority, it gives everyone else permission to relax a little, too. Here are a few practical steps:

1. Set Boundaries

Saying no is an act of self-care. If something feels like too much, practice kind ways to decline:

 

• • “Thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t this time.”

• • “I’d love to help, but I’m stretched too thin right now.”

• • “I can’t make it to the party, but I’d love to take you out for coffee after the holidays!”

Or be honest:

 

• • “I’m starting my New Year’s self-care goals early and prioritizing rest this holiday season. I’d love to catch up in January – can we set a date?”

2. Prioritize Yourself

Make yourself a priority, especially during the holidays. That could mean scheduling 30 minutes of quiet time each morning, taking a long walk, or journaling before bed. Small acts of self-care add up and help you recharge. Double down by asking your partner to wrap presents while you take a bath, get a massage, or read a good book. Or heck, do it together (the work and the play)!

3. Delegate or Simplify

Let go of the idea that you have to do it all. If you have a partner, this is a great time to talk about what you both value. Often, one partner is more relaxed about the holidays—take inspiration from that and let a few things go. Play hooky from the idea that the holidays have to be stressful. If you’re single – this could be even easier – you’re self-inflicting this routine!

4. Reframe Guilt

Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you’re selfish, it means you’re human. When guilt creeps in, remind yourself: the more rested you are, the better you can show up for the people you care about. You’re also setting an example for those around you. Would you rather be relaxed, present, and engaged during this season or burnt-out, bouncing between coffee and mimosas as you slog toward the finish line of New Year’s Eve?

 

Personal Story

2021 was a tough year. I was living in a new state, in a new home. I had asked for a divorce in July, and my ex-husband and I had to live together throughout the process (a situation that was neither fun nor easy for either of us). I sold that home, moved into another, left my career, co-founded a new business, and found out I needed a hysterectomy. By Thanksgiving, I had just moved into my new house, and by Christmas I was completely exhausted. So, I set down all my expectations: Holiday cards? Nope. Outside lights? Absolutely not. Gifts for friends and family? Later. Traveling to see family? Not going to happen.

Instead, I made a lovely dinner for myself. I put up my tree, turned the heater to whatever setting I wanted, played good music, and read a book. I gifted myself a guilt-free holiday, and in doing so, I felt fantastic. I called friends one by one and had more meaningful conversations. I got coffee and took walks with neighbors. I allowed myself to notice the magic I had overlooked in past years: other people’s holiday lights, the way the town was decorated, the excitement of little kids. All of those details are so easy to miss when your mindset is, “I cannot wait for this to be over.” I realized what a shame it is to wait for the ‘most wonderful time of the year’ only to dread the entire process. Somewhere along the way, it seems we’ve developed this strange habit of doing more than we want, or need, to do, and it’s time to change that.

With Love,

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