How to Tell Intuition from Anxiety
March 22, 2026
If you don’t know what you want, you’ll never truly get it.
And if you don’t outline what you won’t tolerate, you’ll welcome anything that comes along.
I spent a few years after my divorce with zero interest in entering a new relationship. When I finally began to consider it, I looked around at my peers. Where had they succeeded? Where had they struggled?
I noticed that a lot of people jumped straight out of one situation into another, and odds are the next relationship wasn’t much different, simply new. Some folks didn’t even wait until they were divorced to hop into the next relationship. Very few people who’d re-entered relationships post-divorce seemed truly, deeply, wildly happy. And the majority of them had spent next to no time alone post-divorce.
After over a decade with my previous partner, I had done quite a bit of growing up and changing – during the marriage and after. I needed space, stillness and time to hear who I was, what I liked, and where I wanted to go. That meant what might have been okay or passable or acceptable to me before may no longer be tolerable. And certain things that were ideal or preferred became mandatory. Change is a good thing. After all, it’s how caterpillars become butterflies and coal becomes diamonds.
I made a very important list.
On the ‘must have’ list I added “Have a job”, “Have a good relationship with family”, “Be physically active”, “Willing to communicate”, “Physically affectionate” and most importantly, “Have a therapist they can call / have seen a therapist willingly.” That means anyone who shows up without work, hates their mom, doesn’t workout or thinks therapists are for losers is a hard pass. No first date. No phone call. Nothing.
On the ‘will not tolerate’ list came things like “Suicidal threats”, “Complaining without action”, “Mean nature” and “Opposing political beliefs”.
I added more and more, then went to the ‘would like’ list and added traits and behaviors I found ideal and desirable but didn’t expect one person to have them all.
I realized this wasn’t just for dating. This was for everything.
As I assessed what I brought to the table in a relationship, I widened the net – what did I bring to my workspace, my friendships, my community? What was I no longer willing to tolerate? What kind of behavior and actions do I expect from them? From myself?
You know the signs at amusement parks that say you must be taller than this sign to go on this ride?
That’s having standards.
If you’re not taller than the sign, you’re not getting on. It doesn’t matter who you are, how nice you are, how cute you are, how much money a job offers me, or how angry people will be if I refuse. You. Are. Not. Getting. On. The. Ride.
What surprised me most was that as I put my standards in place it was almost comical when people/places/things smacked up against them. I found myself casually saying, “Oh, no thank you, I don’t allow that kind of chaos in my life,” and “I’m not interested in having this conversation with you,” with ease.
My life was instantly cleaner, clearer and my energy remained my own.
Change your standards and you will change your life.
Want to check out more on boundaries? Get on the waitlist below for the upcoming Better Boundaries course! Want help staying accountable to your standards? Get help for $9!
With Love,
