Stop Setting Yourself on Fire to Keep Others Warm
YOUR WORTH ISN’T MEASURED BY YOUR EHAUSTION
You Are Not Required to Set Yourself on Fire to Keep Others Warm
Read that again.
Let’s be honest—how many times have you done exactly that? How many times have you overextended and overcommitted for other people’s comfort, even if it meant burning yourself down?
As a former people-pleaser (an ongoing work in process) - there’s a time when this behavior goes beyond generosity and into self-abandonment.
The Hidden Cost of Over-giving
We’re taught this selflessness is noble—you’re the reliable one, the strong one, the one who ‘keeps it all together.’ But behind the gold star for being “so helpful” is:
Resentment simmering under the surface.
Fatigue you can’t seem to shake.
A creeping sense that you’ve disappeared in your own life.
And here’s the truth: the more you give without boundaries, the more people expect you to, regardless of the cost. What’s even more uncomfortable? Sometimes our over-giving isn’t just about kindness, it’s about avoidance.
Avoiding the hard inner work of asking, “What do I actually want?”
Avoiding the discomfort of sitting with our own unmet needs, so we focus on meeting everyone else’s.
Avoiding our fears of rejection, conflict, or not being “enough” unless we’re constantly useful.
And let’s be honest—it feels good to be needed. It gives us faux value in the moment, even as it erodes our real sense of self. But you don’t have to earn your worth through exhaustion and you don’t have to be everything to everyone to matter.
When you stop over-giving, you might feel a little lost at first, because you’re finally turning that energy inward. And that’s where the real work (and freedom) begins.
Protecting Your Energy Isn’t Selfish
Somewhere along the line we absorbed the idea that saying no makes us selfish, resting means lazy, and that the most honorable thing we can do is to give our time, energy, love, effort, answers, help—you name it—all the time.
You only have so much of those internal resources like time and energy. Protecting them and being selective with how you spend them doesn’t mean you don’t care about others - it means you care enough about yourself to stop bleeding out your time, your health, and your dreams.
That isn’t selfish, it’s self-care and it’s the foundation you build everything else on.
How to Start Protecting Your Energy
Start small:
Audit where you’re over-giving.
Practice pausing before you say yes (read more).
Write down your non-negotiables for your time, energy, and sanity.
Practice saying no out loud (I know this sounds silly—but if you struggle, try it!)
Here’s what “no” can sound like:
“I can’t take that on right now.”
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m not available.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I don’t want to discuss that right now.”
You Were Never Meant to Be the Firewood
It’s not your job to keep everyone else happy. It’s not your job to manage others’ emotions. It’s not your job to have all the answers, to remember everything all the time, or to sacrifice your dreams and time.
So here’s your challenge:
Where in your life do you need to stop burning yourself down?
What are you avoiding in your own life by focusing so much outwards?
Ready for More?
I created a FREE Mid-Year Check-In Guide to help you check in on your year get clear on what you actually want for your life. Check it out here!
And if you’re ready to start setting better boundaries, I’ve got an upcoming online self-paced course that includes videos and a workbook full of actual tools you can use immediately. 💌 Get on the early-bird pricing waitlist now!
With Love,
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