The Pause Practice
How Minding Your Business Can Protect Your Peace
The Exhaustion of Always Engaging
We live in a world that rewards immediacy - faster replies, funny comebacks, constant contact. Everything merits an opinion - heck, there’s now a whole industry of entertainment where you can watch other people commenting while watching other people do things. Everyone has something to say, every hour, of every day. And it can feel like we need to as well.
If you’re anything like me, there are days where you’ve mentally responding to texts, emails, Instagram DMs, family drama, your partner’s weird mood, and some imaginary argument in the shower—all before 10 a.m.
The Myth of Immediate Response
Somewhere along the way, we learned that being available is the same as being good and that silence signals that we are weak or uninformed. Early on in school I’d watch the teacher ask for someone to raise their hand and volunteer the answer in awkward silence. I’d finally raise my hand and offer it up - and was praised. Volunteering the answer, chiming in, sharing your thoughts can be good but like many things, we’ve taken it to an extreme.
This constant engagement is exhausting and not everything deserves a response. Sometimes the most powerful move you can make is to pause. There’s strength in restraint. When you hit pause before reacting, you protect your peace by not necessarily getting involved in something that’s not yours, you make calmer choices, and you stop handing your energy to people who haven’t earned it.
Why The Pause Matters
I once worked with a CEO who had no response down to an art form. We’d sit in a negotiation and the other party would eagerly talk, and talk, and talk - filling every moment of space. The longer the CEO sat silent, the more the other party would share (and overshare), putting more on the table than they’d ever intended. When they’d exhausted themselves of information, the CEO would calmly say that he’d consider it and get back to them. It felt awkward, yet was an extremely powerful measure.
Instead of coming across as uninformed, it was impressive. He wasn’t desperate to make a deal and you had no idea what his intentions were. In personal settings, this pause does something a little different. It lets the other person sit with their experience without us having to climb in it with them. We can say, “That sounds very upsetting for you,” without having to join them in the upsetting. We can sit with them and not be them. And sometimes offering others that grace can give them the space to realize the weight of what they’ve said as well.
How To Practice The Pause
Keep in mind that every response costs something - time, emotion, rent in your headspace. We can control our knee-jerk responses which aren’t always the kindest and come up with intentional responses (or no response at all). This practice has brought a ton of peace into my own life and freed me from shouldering the full burden of other folks drama. The world right now has plenty of chaos, and it can feel like our job to hop in at all times and in all directions. Learning to pause allows us to decide our next course of action - do we need to feel hurt? Is our response helpful? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
I created a short printable PDF to help you try this concept - 🧠 The Pause Practice — your go-to prompts for making intentional choices. It walks you through a moment of emotional tension and gives you space to check in with:
What you're feeling
What you want to say
What action (if any) you really want to take
Grab the FREE GUIDE here → www.yourjoyacademy.com/the-pause
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